Thirty freakin' Five!

It happened a few weeks ago when I woke up one morning and realized I was going to be 35 this year. I think we all have an age in our minds that makes us realize we're no longer kids anymore. Not that I've been living some illusion for the past decade or so but I think that this is the first time I've truly thought about getting older. Anyway maybe that's why I've procrastinated my birthday party thing this year which typically I plan much more in advance. This milestone is more about taking stock and appreciating the things in my life more so than mourning any lost youth. It's about feeling grateful for the people who inspire me to strive for more and who accept my neurotic ways. I've always been the life of the party, maybe not as much in the last year or so but I was with Derrin so that doesn't count. I've got more energy than most of the 20 year olds I know but with twice the brains. If I could bottle it, I would sell it - passion is the zest of life.

I'm actually quite pleased with how my life has turned out and I really am living the dream right now. Not the dream where I'm a global superstar touring the world and selling lots of records but the other dream where I'm managing the largest music store in Canada (while still selling lots of records - just not my own). Not only does this dream of mine pay me very well - it's exciting to me and feeds my endless drive to continue to fight for things in my career and for my legacy with the company. It's not forever but I'll be damn sure to make the most of it until I'm launched into the next chapter in my life. Everyone should be so lucky.

I'm still rebounding from the relationship with Derrin but I look forward to starting something new this year with someone. I'm not sure who that someone will be - the love of my life went and got married last fall so he's out that's for sure. I hope to have those feelings though towards someone else. Derrin wasn't that person even though he came close many times. I am totally off the grid right now with no profiles on any dating websites and no apps on my phone that tell me where the closest available gay is. It's gonna be like this for awhile as I'm more interested in the old school way of a boy giving me his number or if I'm bold enough to give mine to him. I'm gonna take this slow and not obsess about being alone in any way. I got a number a few weeks back - it was nice. Although maybe it's a sign I'm running out of options being that I've already dated this guy over a decade ago. It'll be nice to catch up and really that's all it is. It felt great to feel pretty though - I certainly missed that during the Derrin years. I do like attention - it runs my family.

Well there you have a little update for you all. I'm sorry about 2012 - I promised so much more than I gave you. If I'm feeling inspired like I am tonight - you will hear plenty more.