2013: The Rearview Mirror

Another year is upon us and just like that 2013 is put to bed just like it's predecessors. I wasn't sure what the year would hold as it was a new beginning of sorts being back on my own in my own place again. I knew that I was looking forward to having my own life back and not worrying about a souring relationship or someone else's feelings.

Independence was going to be my theme for the year and looking back I can say that I did fufill that vision. Despite many great moments, my solo act got a bit lonely and some of those moments might have been even better had I had someone to share them with. I don't recall much of the first few months of the year with the exception of a few nights out with friends and things. I'm not sure if that's a sad thing or just the way life goes. There was a nice little weekend escape to Niagara Falls in February with Gord and Jason that was a lot of fun. We might just have to do it again this year.

I think the year really started to define itself when I made plans with 2 good friends to hit Tennessee in April. It had been a childhood dream to go down to Nashville and Memphis and see all the great places that defined music history. I never thought I could convince friends to go with me, so a few years ago a started doing some research on the area and had a vague plan to drive down there on my own. Thankfully that didn't happen as it wouldn't have been the same experience that I was lucky to have this year with Dennis and Gord. Sometimes I can be patient it seems. Travel for me is very much about "ok let's go". I don't think I could ever be the type to book a trip 6 months before leaving, let alone even 3 months really if I'm being honest. We started the trip officially in Dollywood which really wasn't on my map as a place to go but Dennis had always wanted to go and since I was dragging him to Graceland (which he'd already been) I figured it would be a worth a visit. It really impressed me - we spent almost 2 days there and it was so much fun. I was impressed with how well managed it was and how much thought was put into every little detail. We went on to Nashville shortly after and even though we did quite a bit of driving on this trip, going through the Smokey Mountains was breathtaking. Nashville was amazing and it wouldn't surprise me if I end up there at some point in 2014 as I feel like I was only able to get a small sample of how amazing it really is. I made a friend while I was there so I wouldn't need to go with anyone, although I think I've secretly convinced many people that they need to go. "Because there are no coincidences" - there was the most amazing Patsy Cline exhibit at the Country Music Hall of Fame that I was meant to see. She's in my top 5 artists of all time and God has magical ways of bring things to you that you don't even know exist. Wrapping up the adventure in Memphis was the perfect ending to the experience. Graceland was everything I hoped it would be and more. So intimate - I got to spend some amazing alone time in the King's house and sit by his grave and appreciate his legacy. I look back at my pictures and still can't believe I was there.

May and June were awesome like they always tend to be. Camping on the May long weekend was absolutely perfect this year and I was able to coordinate a several people to join me. Unlike 2012 where I went camping by myself on this weekend because D didn't want to spend time with me or at least spend the money to have a little fun. June was a busy one with work although underwelming in comparison to the previous year. I was a bit let down to be honest. I like the buzz factor of NXNE, MMVA's and the Toronto Jazz Festival and this year it just didn't deliver the same satisfaction. Two ex boyfriends got married (to each other) which was awesome to be part of Joe and John's big day. Since moving to NYC I never see them or any of the people that we used to hang out with. It was a bit of a reunion of sorts and it was nice to catch up with friends who had evolved more into acquaintances. The world moves at such a brisk pace that people leave your lives just as fast as new ones enter. Pride was good - probably one of the best weekend's of the year for me which is not usually the case. My good friends Nik and Mark have much to do with this and I adore them for letting me be part of their fun. Dancing until 5 in the morning is not something I've done in a very long time. Birds chirping as I walked home reminded me that I'm not such an old man after all.

Oh July - how you would fuck me over in so many ways. Never fall in love if you don't have to. What started out as a little adventure to upstate New York to do some camping with a friend turned into a blissful, "love makes you blind" beginning to my relationship with Buffalo Boy, aka Justin. I never had any intention to meet anyone and that's when they say it always happens. I will always look fondly at the early parts of this thing we started at Jones Pond but as the weeks went on it drained me of all things good. I own the whole experience and the feelings that came with it. Perhaps if he didn't offer to come visit me in Toronto the very next weekend I wouldn't have thought much of the little fling at the campground. As I mentioned in a previous post - I got a little lonely this summer and the timing of meeting Justin couldn't have been any worse. One of the highlights though for me in August was going down to visit him and spending an amazing weekend together. I think that's really when I fell in love and I certainly didn't mean to. Experiencing his world made me want to be part of it more and yet there were so many things that stood in between that. After about 6 weeks of trying to be something - we became that of something not. I don't blame him for calling it quits, I suppose part of me wanted to be the one who said no and be in control like I normally am in most of my relationships. I hadn't quite given up completely and lingered on a thread of hope that he essentially cut loose. Life is too short to be waiting for the next weekend to see someone, I was a fool to think I could do that. Is now a good time to mention I got a speeding ticket when I was down there for the camping trip? My first one ever after 19 years of driving! It was an omen of the bad luck to come.

September was exciting - I think there's a spark to this city in the fall. We seem to all walk with a bit more purpose and seem to be more engaged with the world. The inevitable end of summer can always be a let down but we always manage to move forward. I decided not to date for a bit and spend the month hanging out with good friends and rejuvenate my spirit. Met Jake Gyllenhaal and Hugh Jackman and at TIFF screening which was exciting. I also made bonus in Q2 so I upgraded my washer and dryer which were 13 years old. It was supposed to be easy - I did all the pre work of measuring the spaces, asking the right questions, etc. However it was all a big mess that resulted in deep frustration and a test of patience. My Twins were a pain in the ass but they are stunningly beautiful in their cherry redness and work like a dream. That being said I would do things differently if I could go back in time. It's these kind of experiences that make you grow. Here's hoping my next steps in home improvement go much smoother!

Stepped back into the dating world and met a lovely guy named Rob who was everything you could ask for and was so sweet and charming. We hung out a lot in October and into November but the entire time I think I was still in love with the idea of Buffalo Boy and couldn't let myself fall for Rob. I feel bad in retrospect because I did lead him on in ways that were very innocent. I enjoyed the connection we had and wished that it would have been more sexual for me but it wasn't. As much as I tried to be the boyfriend, I could not. I hoped to have him as a friend - but his heart was broken and I totally knows what that feels like.

November started with an awesome trip to NYC! I hadn't been there in a year and that was just for a stop over before/ after the cruise. I was there for 10 days in 2008 as part of my Armani on-boarding. I missed being able to explore. I spent the first two days of the trip seeking out the best record shops in Manhattan. I was surprised to find that most of the stores carried exactly what we carry at my store and I really didn't find anything worthy of an "OMG". It made me proud that we've curated such an amazing offer at 333 and that we were as competitive as the best shops in New York when it comes to selection and depth of catalog. Gord flew in on the Friday and we had our own night out on the town. We wanted to go to the East Village to check out this legendary 80s bar called Pyramid. It was epic - we danced so hard I put a hole in my shoes. It was the best music and the DJ played all the big hits. I've been to many bad 80s nights where the DJ just fucks it up royally and isn't able to capture the feeling of the music. The next night was even more amazing. We started of with a nice Thai dinner in Hell's Kitchen and then hit up a gay bar called Flaming Saddles which turned out to be a country bar. I suppose with a name like that it's not hard to imagine. Anyway we walk in and it's kind of quiet but it seemed interesting so we were like "okay - let's stay for a drink". Without warning these hot bartenders jumped up on the bar and got all Coyote Ugly on us. Totally Fucking Hot! They continued to do this all night long and the place really filled up with lots of cute boys. It didn't take long for me to get the attention of a few of them. I was nice to feel like the prettiest girl even though I knew I wasn't. Being surrounded by a bunch of hot guys who are into you it does wonders for the ego - just sayin'. I carried on with these guys to the next bar and continued to dance the night away yet again. The night ended with two cute boys walking me back to my hotel near MSG which meant strolling through Times Square at 4 in the morning. It was amazing to see such peacefulness in a place that is the definition of chaos. I will never forget that ever.

The month of December goes by so quickly as every weekend there is a party or 2 to go to. The store is madness of course and it seems like everyone is in the best mood as they celebrate the season. We had a great start to the month at the store but then the 2 biggest Saturday's of the year were dampened by a huge snow storm and then the historic ice storm the following Saturday. Needless to say we've had better months - at least the last week of the month was better than expected. Christmas is always a weird to me as I don't spend time with my family as they all live so far away. My friends are my family as I always tend to believe, so for me it comes down to my annual Xmas party that I throw the last Saturday before Christmas. Last year was weird cause D and I had just split but this year it was full on out. Loved seeing such a great turn out and being able to show my friends a good time.

As the year closed out - I was able to reflect on the year and sum it up in to one little paragraph that I shared on Facebook. The year had treated me well and I am grateful. I have a few dreams for 2014 - I look forward to sharing them with you when I recap what went down a year from now.

"I found love, I lost love, I became debt free. Made many new friends this year who I can't imagine my world without and reconnected with others that I never forgot about. I finally got to explore Tennessee - a childhood dream… From Dolly to Patsy to Elvis The King. Put $7k away to towards my next home, while still having shiny Red Twins in the fall. I am blessed with the most amazing career that connected me to Gaga, Perry, Slash and Drake. 2013 you rocked and you will always be remembered. Looking forward to 2014 and all it's glory. Happy New Year everyone!"