Year-ending

I started out this year not really knowing where it was going to go. I was unaware just how challenging it was going to be to "get back in the game". This year has been quite the adventure to say the least, but to get to where I am now has made every hardship and struggle worth it. Ok, okay there wasn't that much suffering, but I did spend the first quarter of the year wondering what I was going to do with my life... So much job searching, too many time-wasting interviews, so much possibility. As the summer approached everything kinda worked itself out but there was still plenty of good things in store for me as the back half of the year played out...

Throughout my life, the "even" years is when I've always tended to experience the most amount of growth, not sure why that is but it's true. Aside from 1995 for which my entire world changed, all my other "moments' happened in 90, 92, 94, 96, 98, 00, 02, 04 & 06. I don't really recall anything from the even years of the 80's but maybe if I try hard enough something would come to me. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what happened in those significant years as they likely aren't all that colorful to anybody else but me. Hopefully I can make the best out of 2009 despite it's "oddness"...

As the year wraps up I find myself in a great relationship which is something I never could have predicted. Especially after 2007 when I think my love life hit an all-time low! Relationships have always been a bit tricky for me and I've always tried to make myself believe that I wasn't very good at them. Maybe it was easier to avoid them than try to make one work out. For whatever reason I think timing though has always been an issue. I can only have that perspective in retrospect but nonetheless I think it's very true. I've only had a few "great loves" so to speak, so in the experience department almost all of them were dysfunctional in some way. A relationship has to have balance and that's something that maybe wasn't there in the past. You can't have one person want one thing and the other want something else. That statement works on so many levels. I don't claim to know shit about actually making one these things work but from what I know about making them not work - I'm slowing figuring it out. That's the journey I'm on right now and it's a constant struggle for me to not to overreact to situations or moments and just let things be. Not to worry about the small stuff and focus on the bigger picture. I know we're on the right track, I feel progress and I feel like we're building something. There's always going to be obstacles - the trick is to learn how to incorporate not separate.