Let the Sun Shine In...

Officially this week is the start of Spring, although looking out the window today doesn't really seem to paint that picture. We've been hit with some more snow which is odd because it's been rather warm-ish the past week or so. My favourite thing about Spring is how the days get longer and that feeling of renewal in the air. After the cold and darkness of winter. there is something inspiring about walking outside without a jacket on. Soon will come the flip flops and shorts and the warmth of the sun.

The winter was interesting for me - I ended up dating someone for about 2 months starting in November. I had fallen hard for an old boyfriend (Kevin) that had my whole world turned upside down in October. So to distract myself from feeling like crap I set up dates with a couple guys I had been chatting with on Plenty of Fish. It's my own way of coping I guess - if you can't be with the one you love find someone else who will distract you from how you feel. Not exactly the most self-less thing to do but it works. Anyway so after a few weeks of casual drinks here and there this guy and I started to spend more time together. He was really sweet and I genuinely appreciated him in my world. So soon came the holidays and such and he made an effort to make them really special for me being that my family is always so far away. I enjoyed spending time with him as we always had fun no matter what we were doing. I think looking back that's why it made it difficult to determine what path we were on.

Let's add some spice to this story. So X and I (that's what we'll call him) never talked about being exclusive or anything so in the middle of December I had met someone who lives in my building while I was at the gym one night. I didn't think much of it as my world is super crazy around Christmas time. Anyway as I saw this fellow a few more times I started to develop a bit of a crush and it really made me start to pull away from the guy I was dating. I suppose according to the rules of a relationship this could be defined as cheating but X and I never really established what we were doing and therefore I didn't feel as guilty. If anything it helped me figure out that my feelings towards X weren't "that way" and he really had been just a good companion for the holidays. Sucks for him I know as I really felt he was falling for me but I knew I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. Cut to my late night tweet on Jan 21 that went "To like someone who's not your boyfriend - how wrong is that..." I know I need to work on my communication skills, I am aware of that but I was totally crushing on the new boy that night.

So after a few awkward weeks in January I decided to part ways with X and move on with my pursuit of the boy in my building. He was always so hard to hang out with as he always seemed so busy. I was finally able to get into his world around mid February when he let me in. As for X, he cut me out of his life but then decided that it was okay to hang out with my friends - how fucked up is that? I warned my friends of how annoyed I was being that X even deleted me from his Facebook. I was disappointed in my friend's behaviour as much as I was with his. X's excuse was that he doesn't have to capacity or character to be friends with exes. Well I didn't have the capacity to be in love with him. Time will tell as to how that pans out. Good riddance.

As for the hot boy in my building - things are going very well. It's the best it's been for me in awhile. We decided to go "steady" a couple weeks ago so that's a good sign of things to come. As always relationships for me are a hard thing as I've been more "out of them" in my life than "in them". Being as independent as I am, it's always a struggle to have everything balance out. I over-think things all the time and I need to push my mind out of the way more often and enjoy the ride. But D (we'll call him that) makes me feel good and I love having him in my life. I know I've ranted and raved before on this blog about boyfriends and such but I think there's something different about this one.