One Month In...

I meant to do a reflective New Year's post about 2011 being that I was pretty quiet on this blog. I was going to talk about how the year changed me by all the experiences I was able to enjoy. It seemed to be the thing to do as it's the time of year where everybody publishes some sort of year end recap either about their lives or things that happened in the world. To spare you the multiple paragraphs I could write about 2011, I'll just say that I learned a lot about myself this year through other people. I paid attention and I gambled on myself to see what I could manage. I'm not saying that I was completely successful but I do feel a bit taller than I did a year ago.

The relationship, the job, the friendships - all seem to evolve this past year. Seeking out Derrin as I did was probably my first step in what made the year quite different. I was involved with a couple different guys in January but I had my eyes set on him and by March we were dating officially. Over the course of the Spring things kind of just fell into place and by summer we had decided to move in together in September. In retrospect it was too fast and it's caused much friction on many levels. Again something I learned. Living with somebody is such an adjustment and especially if you've been living on your own without a roommate for the last 7 years like myself it's takes a great deal of patience as you work out the kinks. Believe me - not all the kinks are worked out, every so often I find myself dreaming about living back in my condo. I think that a lot of people give up rather quickly these days on the relationships that they are in and aren't willing to work on the faults. They are more interested in finding faults in the other person rather than admitting their own. Compromise is a word you hear over and over again when experts talk about relationships and there's a reason for that. I'd like to say that Derrin is the stubborn one but in all truth I know that I am just a guilty. When you can strike the right balance of needs - that's when it works. No moment is forever and like a giant swinging pendulum you have you learn how to ride out the storms. Live each day as a day and not over think about what that person did or said.

Being in the relationship has changed how I see my friends. I think when you're the single one you tend to be a bit of a rebel because you can be and do things that are not always constructive to maintaining friendships. I've had a good core group of friends now since 2005 or so and they've helped me grown into the person I am today. There was a time not too long ago when i would call them boring and not really be interested in doing the "couple things" that they all seem to be doing. So I sought out new friends who I felt were more fun and were interested in going out and having a good time on the weekends. Well since I've been with Derrin the group I ran away from are the ones I seem to spend the most amount of time with. As for the whole going out thing it's true what they say - once you shack up those long nights of partying until the early hours just don't happen very often. I still make an effort to see the friends who were there with me having a good time out at Woody's or Fly when I needed it. They keep me young and that's very soothing especially if you are going through a rough patch at home with the boy and you need to go out and feel pretty again. They also aren't afraid to call me out when I get too comfortable just staying at home.

The job - it's a dream, it really is. I have to remind myself of that whenever I get frustrated because no matter what I do after this, I'll never have as much fun. That's probably not true though as I'm pretty good at finding the fun in just about anything, however it does make me appreciate the opportunity that I have earned. After 10 years in the apparel retail world to finally be the GM of the flagship HMV is something I would've never thought I'd get to be. It's not forever and that's what keeps me grounded. It's what keeps me fighting for the business despite the fact that our best years are far behind us. I am inspired by my team as they want to fight just as much as I do and together we are able to achieve some incredible things despite feeling like we are the last ones leaving the party. The media has done a great job at overblowing the demise of physical goods in the entertainment marketplace. They would like nothing better than to see our doors close so they could say "we told you so". What they won't report on is how many people come to us because of the experience we provide that is a stark contrast to the void they feel when they are at home buying digital. I know that these people are less and less each year but just for the record (pun intended) CD sales were actually up last year against the previous for the first time in a decade. Don't get me wrong - the writing's on the wall as I always like to say but it doesn't mean we should just stop because that's what the world expects us to do. Time will tell just how long we will be able to hold out. With all this said, I go in everyday anyway trying to make it better than it was the day before. That's all anyone should aspire to do regardless of what role you play in the world.

On a final note - this year started with a bit of sadness as my only grandfather passed away very unexpectedly on New Year's Day. I didn't always have the greatest relationship with him and it wasn't really till this past decade that we actually connected. He leaves behind my beloved grandmother who I absolutely adore. They were married for 62 years which is something that just doesn't happen anymore. She's a little off her rocker sometimes but I think that makes me love her more. I often think that my neurosis stems from her and I find comfort in that. She means well and has always believed in me, even at times when I didn't believe in myself. I think that she loves the world more than it will ever know and her spirit is something everyone could use a little dose of. It saddens me to think about how her life will go on now without him but she is stronger than what she'll let on and I'm sure will create a whole new life of her own. I am grateful that I was able to fly out to BC for the funeral and was able to spend time with her like I did. In fact it was a vehicle to reconnect with several members of my family that I hadn't seen in awhile and we were able to share stories and a few precious moments that will never be forgotten.

Since this is kind of a New Year's post I will make one resolution to myself and one to you. My resolution to myself is to be less reactive to the people I have relationships with. Friends, lovers, and co-workers. I expect too much from others and sometimes too little. I hope that I can learn more about myself through even more crazy experiences this year. My resolution is to you. I'm never really sure who reads this thing but I commit to documenting more about my life so that I can look back at it years from now and appreciate my youth and acknowledge the path I was on.

Till next time - which based on the above shouldn't be too far away.